Finding opportunity through adversity
For many of us, the current climate has created a surge of anxiety, uncertainty and doubt. We have been forced to change our habits, our routines and for many, our intentions. It has asked us to re-evaluate our priorities, our idea of success and for many, it has triggered a major shift in our values. But maybe, out of the terrible things that COVID-19 has brought with it, perhaps, it is also directly responsible for sparking some truly wonderful things, if we are open to looking for them. Let me explain.
A time to re-evaluate.
Marcus Aurelius famously stated, “be like the rock that the waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved and the raging sea falls still around it”.
The quote speaks of an attitude that we can adopt to disaster. A perception we can harness to find an opportunity inside an obstacle. To be able to adopt this mindset, we first need to be reminded of what is and what is not important. I truly believe that COVID-19 has done just that.
It has taught us that we don’t need as many “things” as we may have thought - I know personally my desire to shop online has become almost non-existent (which is unheard of for me!). It has championed us to deepen and strengthen our ties with loved ones, despite physical distance. We’ve had more Zoom calls than ever before and we’ve stopped using the excuse of ‘time’ to no longer reach out. We’ve embraced longer and deeper conversations that we never seemed to prioritize and yes, some of those conversations have been about the meaning of life, or at least your life, and what that is for us. We have learnt to appreciate the simple gesture of a hug and how much that is missed.
We have been shown that we all share in this collective trauma. That the world stands united as one, as an intertwined community and it has allowed for more connection than most would have imagined. More than this, we have been allowed the space to stand still. To listen to the lessons that this pandemic is teaching us and hopefully, to embrace and consciously live within those lessons when life resumes to another new ‘normal’.
I could happily add to this list of positives that have arisen through this tragedy, but what I would love to draw your attention to is what you now consider to be your priorities? What makes your life meaningful? What do you now consider to be success? What is important to you?
These are worthy questions to ask, however confronting they may be. And I believe when we allow ourselves the space and quietness to sit with these questions, we can start to hear our answers.
Once we are able to reevaluate the importance of what we dedicate our time to, it becomes easier to transform our mindsets to allow for opportunity. When we are able to look at moments of crisis or challenge rationally, we are able to move forward. And this is what resilience is.
Resilience isn’t learnt, it’s born from adversity. And through that adversity we have an opportunity to find out who we are and what we are made of. This knowing not only helps to foster inner strength and empowerment, but also wisdom. Instead of resigning to being a victim of your circumstance, which will continue to shift and change throughout the years, you can choose the mindset that you have the ability to grapple with both the external situation AND your attitude towards it.
So how do we cultivate an attitude where we can let go of resistance and we embrace the opportunity in front of us?
Letting go of resistance.
Unfortunately, the more that we resist unpleasant experiences, the longer they stick around and usually intensify. Essentially, the more we fight our uncomfortable emotions, the more we add fuel to the fire. Meditation teacher Shinzen Young has a formula for this phenomenon:
Suffering = Pain x Resistance
In other words, pain, loss, heartache, it is all inevitable. It is something we ALL will encounter, no matter how much we might try to outrun it. But when we resist this pain, it only intensifies and adds additional heartache. The theory is, this is where suffering survives.
Here is an experiment you can do, thanks to Dr Kristen Neff and Dr Christopher Germer, to help you experience resistance in real time and to see what might occur when you are able to adopt mindfulness and compassion to the experience of resistance.
The exercise should be conducted outside or on a waterproof floor
Get one or two ice cubes from the freezer and hold them in your closed hand as long as possible. Keep holding them.
After a few minutes, notice what thoughts come into your mind (e.g. “this will hurt me, I can’t bear this, whoever came up with exercise is just plain mean”). That’s resistance!
Now pay close attention to what you are experiencing, moment to moment. For example, feel the sensation of cold as simply cold. If pain sensations are pulsing up your arm, feel the pulsations as pulsations. Notice your emotions, such as fear, as simply fear. Notice any impulse to action that might be arising, such as to drop the ice or open the palm of your hand. Let yourself be aware of the impulses. That’s mindfulness.
Now add in a little kindness. For example, let yourself be comforted by the thought that this exercise is uncomfortable but it isn’t harmful. You can let out a long exhalation of relief … ahhhh. If you notice any discomfort in your hand, maybe add a sound of tenderness … awwww. Appreciate your hand for alerting you to the sensation of pain. Also, give yourself a nod of respect or admiration for enduring this exercise to learn something new. It took courage.
Finally, you can let go of the ice cube!
Now I want you to ask yourself, what came up for during this practice? Did applying mindfulness of self-kindness alter your experience in any way? For many this experiment offers a wonderful window into how resistance can amplify your pain and how adopting a different attitude to that pain can ease your suffering. Remember, your resistance comes from your natural desire to protect yourself, to be safe. But also remember, you have the power to change how you react and respond to your pain. Be patient with yourself as you work through your automatic reactions to pain, resistance and suffering.
Once you are able to learn to let go of resistance or at least notice it, you allow yourself the space and opportunity to thrive during difficult and challenging situations. And through this, you may begin to savour the positive experiences in your life and to begin to notice them more frequently. After all, to savour is your capacity to appreciate and enhance the positive experience in your life and that takes courage.
I will leave you with the words of Emily Dickinson who wrote:
I can wade Grief —
Whole Pools of it —
I’m used to that —
But the least push of Joy
Breaks up my feet —
And I tip — drunken —
