How to talk to your kids about being safe online

I recently devoured the show ‘The Hunting’.  I knew it would be another amazing Aussie drama as it starred two of my favourites, Asher Keddie and Richard Roxburgh, but what I wasn’t prepared for was my reaction as a Mum to the scary reality of the content.  The show (without giving away any spoilers) spoke about the dangers of the online world that teenagers engage with.  More specifically, posting photos of teenage girls without their consent!  Now as a Mum, it was hard not to go into panic mode.  How do I protect my babies from this? (and my elder child has only just turned three!!).  So, as I sat with this uncomfortable reaction and the realization that this is the world my little ones will eventually enter into, I reflected back on what I have said to other parents in my private practice.  The strategies I have tried to encourage them to use and the conversations that are a must.

So here is my to-do list around how to talk to your kids about being safe online.

1| Talk to your kids openly and more importantly, regularly

Communication is key here and a great starting point is a family discussion around online boundaries.  Sit down together and all discuss and agree as to what is appropriate.  Make it crystal clear (check out our parenting guide for how to write up a contract around this with your mini!).  You can even have a more specific conversation around a particular app or website, if needed.

2| Explore apps and websites together

A great starting place is asking your child what apps or sites they like.  Write a list out and look at them together.  Try to be positive about what you see as you explore this together, but don’t shy away from airing any concerns you may have.  For example, “I’m a little worried about some of the things that I’ve seen here”.  They may not like your reasons for why you are worried but try to listen carefully to their point of view and form sensible and reasoned responses. Don’t be afraid to say, “let’s discuss this again tomorrow/next week”, if you need more time to formulate an answer but, if you do, ALWAYS follow up within the agreed time frame. 

This is also a great opportunity to talk to your child about what you think is age appropriate but involve them in the conversation.  Let them be a part of this.  If they feel involved in the decision making it will make for a more harmonious environment for all.

3| Ask them about things they might see online which make them feel uncomfortable

Having a conversation with your child about things they, or their friends have seen that made them feel uncomfortable is really important.  When you’re having this conversation try to be specific.  Try to pin point exactly what made them feel uncomfortable and why.  Is it the comments?  People?  Images?  The language being used? Details are important as you explore this together.  Reassure your child that they can always talk to you about anything that makes them feel uncomfortable and that you can problem-solve together, by, for example, reporting or blocking the sites or apps they use.

4| Talk to them about how they can stay safe on social media 

As social media is now becoming what reading the newspaper was 20 years ago, but with a calculated added dopamine rush and an all pervasive need to join in, our kids need to know how to stay safe in these arenas.  Ask your child if they know how to keep information private-  how to block someone or where the reporting functions are.  Show them how to do these things if they’re unsure or get them to demonstrate it to you. 

5| Be Share Aware

This is a BIG one - especially given the loud messages portrayed in The Hunting.  Talk to your child about what’s OK and what’s NOT OK to share online.  Explain to them that online behaviours, including the sharing of personal information, should mirror how we behave in person.  Would you give someone you just met in the street your full name, address and mobile number? Show them your most intimate family photos? Tell them where you work or go to school or what you ate for breakfast? 

Discuss with your child what images and photos might be appropriate to share.  Help your child to understand that any image you send online (or even via text for that matter!) doesn’t necessarily stay with just that person.  That they might then share it or post it to others, or it could be stolen by hackers and used anywhere. Would they be comfortable with that image being distributed to a wider audience? 

Also, explain that it isn’t always easy to identify someone online.  People aren’t always who they say they are, so don’t share any personal information.  More than that, remind your child that if it’s someone who genuinely knows them, they shouldn’t need to ask for any personal information online anyway! 

And reinforce that always, if they are ever in doubt, they should talk to you first.

6| Reassure them that you’re looking out for them

Your child is naturally going to be defensive or upset if you say ‘no’ to something, particularly if all of their friends are engaging with a certain app or website and this is where it’s important to explain to them that you get it.  You understand how wonderful the internet can be, but that you’re looking out for them, because you care.  Encourage them to keep talking to you about it.  That you’d like to know what they discover online and that you can share with them too.

And parents - if you’re worried or your child has come to you and they’re experiencing cyberbullying, check out the Office of the eSafety Commissioner.  Any Australian Child who is experiencing serious cyberbullying is able to and should contact the Office to report it.  They state that their complaints scheme has a 100% success rate in removing cyberbullying material.  They also provide additional resources for parents and schools around cyberbullying!

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