A Six-Second Kiss

What was your first kiss like? Can you remember it vividly? I will certainly never forget mine! I was hanging out with my best friend, Lindsey, my first ever boyfriend, Reece, and his two mates, Tim + Tom, because back then you did everything together — one big group hug!

Now, because at the tender age of 13 I was terrified about kissing a boy for the first time, I thought the whole process would be easier if this was something my friend experienced too.  So, match-maker Gabby stepped in and set it all up. Reece would kiss me and the guy that Lindsey liked, Tim, would kiss her. We were all going to do this together. 

Cue the kissing scene. Reece swooped in to kiss me and I saw Tim launch in at Lindsey. She didn’t look impressed and promptly asked me to meet her outside.  I was confused, elated (I just had my first kiss!) and eager to debrief but she didn’t really seem to be too happy. Her words will forever be imprinted in my head, “I said Tom NOT Tim!”.  Whoops! 

When I think about this now, I can’t help but laugh, smile and reflect on the awkwardness of a ‘first kiss’.  And that begs the question, when was the last time you told the story of your first kiss? Was it electrical or was it a disaster? 

The thing with kisses is, they can be magical.  They make us smile, give us butterflies, make our hearts race and make the hairs stand up on the backs of our necks.  They truly can be so powerful and transformative.  After all, a kiss can turn a toad into a prince or wake a princess up from eternal slumber. 

What is the magical ingredient in a kiss? 

The science behind a kiss shows us there is a reason why they are so powerful.  When we kiss, we get a hit of oxytocin - a happy hormone - the same one that is released when breastfeeding.  This wonderful hormone is responsible for the comfort and attachment that forms between a mother and her baby and that explains why kissing another bonds us in a similar way. 

More than this, dopamine is secreted, which activates the part of the brain that increases the emotional connection we have with another.  And those butterflies? They are swimming around because epinephrine and norepinephrine are present, pumping your heart and sending oxygenated blood to your brain. 

Recent research has even shown that kissing may lower our cortisol (stress hormone) level.  This reduction can lower your blood pressure and may even prevent cardiac arrest! 

So, kissing really does have magical qualities, at least according to science. 

Why aren’t we kissing more? 

As a Clinical Psychologist so many couples come to me complaining that the passion has gone from their relationship; that there’s no spark anymore.  That they are rarely intimate, let alone kiss one another.  I get it. It happens to most couples, at some stage or another. Life can be so full.  We can be so busy that the space we once created for our relationship begins to shrink …. and we stop kissing.

So where to from here?  How do we reignite that spark?  How do we find the magic and power of a kiss again?

The six-second kiss

John Gottman suggests that couples start small.  He recommends that they share a six second kiss each day with one another.  He loves to state that “a six-second kiss is a kiss with potential”, and I couldn’t agree more! 

Now this definitely doesn’t have to be tied to sex and to begin with, it probably shouldn’t.  This is a wonderful opportunity to find six seconds a day to connect with your partner again. “I’m so busy though!”, I hear you say but, honesty, who can’t find six seconds? Especially if it will strengthen your relationship with your partner.

So, here’s your challenge — I want you to try this every day for TWO WEEKS!  And I’m going to do this too.  I’m going to make sure I kiss my husband for six seconds, every day for two weeks and I will report back and share with you all what I noticed. 

I have a sneaky suspicion that that emotional connection will feel stronger, and who knows, maybe something magical will happen.

Happy kissing everyone!!!

P.S. I would love to hear from you if you’ve accepted my two-week challenge.  Go one step further and post a pic on Instagram and tag us in it!!