Changing the conversation around our bodies with our kids

I don’t think many of us (particularly women) could honestly say that they have never been dissatisfied with their bodies at some point in their lives. It’s something that we all seem to battle and for some of us, it can become completely debilitating and lead to an endless battle with food, weight and body image. We become trapped in a cycle of self-hatred. We focus our unhappiness on our bodies; on the way we look. And we compare ourselves to others, deepening the disgust, shame or guilt we might already be experiencing around the way we look.

Where and how does this start? What can we do to help change the conversation around our bodies with our kids?

Well, it starts pretty early on and from every conceivable angle. The way our parents talk to us about our bodies, our food choices, what they role modelled to us about their own choices. The images that we consume on social media. The new fad diets. And the language that starts to become engrained around our bodies.

Let me explain.  We know from research that by Year 3 girls nose dive in regard to how attractive they think they are.  They start an inner dialogue of “I’m fat”, “I’m not pretty enough”.  The comparison to others starts to take hold.  We also know that children who are bullied in school regarding their weight are more likely to struggle with weight gain later in life!  Now this might surprise you, it might not, but what we’re seeing is that dissatisfaction with the way we look is starting younger and earlier.  And this isn’t just girls, it’s hitting our boys too — just a little later down the track. 

We know that although childhood obesity rates have tripled over the past forty years, more and more children and adolescents are engaging in dieting and weight loss behaviours.

Are we even really shocked by this?  Just take a look at the labels the fashion industry attributes to different body types!  Now don’t get me wrong, they have made leaps and strides over the year BUT labeling a class of women as “plus sized” just has to stop! What does that even mean?  And who decides what “plus sized” even looks like?  The use of this language is setting up unhealthy norms around body shapes.  If, like 99 % of the female population your body doesn’t look like a Victoria’s Secret or ‘super’model (another label) then you’re “plus sized”?! That’s just crazy!   And with social media ever more seeping into our daily habitat, these labels and messages are louder than ever and are reaching our kids much earlier and more powerfully than before.

So, what can we do?

Mindful conversations

If you’re a parent — start by being really aware of how you talk about your body.  Your food choices.  Try to avoid categories, for example, “good” or “bad” food and even “healthy” vs “unhealthy” food.  Categories can be tricky traps to step into and they can set up unhealthy relationships with food.  Become more consciously aware of how you talk to yourself about your food choices.  Are you stepping into this trap?

And keep it to yourself!! If you’re focusing on your own weight loss, try not to share this with your kids. Even if you are approaching this in a healthy and responsible manner, your kids may look at you and think that, to them, you look perfect. What message does it then send to them if you’re commenting negatively on your diet or saying how much you need to exercise? Or how much weight you need to lose? They pay attention to these messages. So, try to be mindful here.

Educate them on healthy living

What you want to try to do here is shift the focus away from ‘healthy eating’ and move towards promoting what a healthy lifestyle looks like.  Talk to them about playing team sports, cook nutritious foods with them and eat sweets and treats in moderation.  The aim here is that the conversation isn’t around weight gain or weight loss, it’s about feeling good in our bodies.  Feeling fit and strong and healthy.  Living an active and well-rounded life.

And side note here — you want to try to role model the lessons you’re aiming to teach your little ones. There’s no point emphasizing the importance of breakfast to your kids if you don’t eat it yourself (this is something I’m constantly working on — I am NOT a breakfast person!!).

Be body positive

This one sounds easy right? Celebrating all body shapes and sizes. In theory, I think we all want to be able to do this, but it’s often the language we use that lets us down. I know I’ve caught myself or my hubby commenting on our own bodies in a critical light. And it feels like we’re just on autopilot. It’s not a conscious action. And if you don’t catch it, it can become the norm in your household.

The aim here is to try to use body positive language which means talking positively about yourself and others. So when you’re watching the footy, don’t comment on the size or shape of the players (I’ve caught myself and my hubby doing this one). Instead comment on how athletic, strong or talented they are. If you’re going to exercise, emphasize that you’re doing this for fun or to feel good, not to achieve a certain weight or shape. The reasons you want to try and shift this dialogue is because kids are little sponges who pick up on everything. We become the inner voice in their heads. They internalize what we say and repeat it and then, they believe it. We want to give our little ones words that are worth repeating. Words that help them to feel good about themselves. Words that help them to feel empowered. Words that we all secretly want to hear too!

Looking for more parenting tips and tricks…