Are we afraid of silence?
My husband recently bought me the book, “Stillness Is The Key” by Ryan Holiday, proclaiming that this was something I needed to read. As I really took in the meaning of this, I realised that my husband was cleverly drawing my attention to how distracted and busy I had been lately and this was his way of gently suggesting that I slow down ! Despite this beautiful gesture it took me a few weeks to pick the book up and really absorb it. I am so glad that I did. I thought I’d share with you some ideas about how to avoid becoming constantly distracted and to find some stillness and peace.
Holiday opens one of his chapters with mention of the 19th century French emperor, Napoleon. He wrote, “as a general, Napoleon made it his habit to delay responding to the mail. His secretary was instructed to wait three weeks before opening any correspondence. When he finally did hear what was in the letter, Napoleon loved to note how many supposedly “important” issues had simply resolved themselves and no longer required a reply”.
Now the thought of not opening my emails for three weeks sets me in a mild panic, but I love the concept. What Napoleon so wonderfully illustrated, way back in the 1800s, was the reality of life for a busy person and he was able to recognise that there was simply too much information coming at him; he needed to prioritise.
Now, if he experienced this way back in the days of snail mail and before the telephone was even invented, imagine how he would feel if he time travelled to 2019! To a time when we are constantly hounded with updates and notifications and have access to a myriad of information at our fingertips .Add in the plethora of gadgets and devices that we have in our homes and we can be left without any time for our brains to relax and recharge. There’s even a term for this, “The CNN Effect”. We are bombarded with a 24hr news cycle, distractions and an overload of information.
With this constant stream of technology, demands and alerts, it can be hard to decipher what is important and requires our attention versus those that can wait. Marcus Aurelius wisely stated, “Ask yourself at every moment, is it necessary?”
That question is particularly vital when we throw into the equation the urgency that we seem to feel around social media. So, ask yourself that question and deepen it, “what value will checking this bring to my day?”
More than this, if we are able to block out some of the noise, surely that stillness would enable us the space to be truly creative? In fact, we know this to be true - it’s called our “default mode”. A state that our brain enters into when we have some mental ‘downtime’. This is essentially when we can slow down cerebral congestion, allowing us to be at our most creative, productive and motivated. I know that my best ideas have been created in wakeful stillness - usually because I’ve had no choice. This mental downtime, when I have been forced to let my mind daydream and wander is when I have had my most creative thoughts. The mental nourishment of quiet time allows our brains to restore, reset and create.
So how can we achieve the simple brilliance of Napoleon’s tactic and play into our default mode more frequently?
1| Limit your inputs
Basically, this means fewer alerts and notifications. It means creating some much needed space away from your phone, computer, smart watch – basically all technology! Now if you’re anything like me and this feels extremely difficult to do, try scheduling in a Do Not Disturb time or putting your phone on flight mode for at least 10-20 minutes per day. My husband affectionately hides my phone for that amount of time every night so I am 100 percent present with my family – maybe this would work in your home too? Essentially I want you to start to be in more in control of your information diet. And think of it this way, by making yourself, your family, anything other than what you feel is competing for your attention, a priority, you are actually allowing yourself to create a healthier you.
2| Be bored
On some level, I fear that many of us are so afraid of silence, of being still, of missing out and we make ourselves miserable in the process. In doing this, we don’t allow our brains to enter into their all important ‘default mode’. Worryingly, this is also having serious implications for our teens - in longitudinal studies we’re noticing that they are less creative, less imaginative and less able to produce unique and innovative ideas. This is partly because they are never doing just one thing. They will have multiple tabs open, literally. And the thing is, our brain can’t actually multi-task, it just switches really quickly from one task to another. So, when you’re doing more than one thing at one time, your brain will lack the ability to do either task successfully.
So, allow yourself to be bored. Do one thing at a time. That means just watching a movie and not scrolling on your phone at the same time. It means creating 10 minutes a day where you just are. Watch what amazing, creative juices start flowing!
And I’ll do this with you. Over the next week I want you to allow yourself to do nothing for 10 minutes per day and I want you to just notice what happens. Notice how you feel within yourself. Better yet, tag us on Instagram (@the.sagesociety) and bring us with you on this stillness journey.
